: Kemcho, Amisha! Thanks a bunch for taking time off from your designer
dhoklas and culinary kadi classes. Well dahling, what can you tell us about your
role in AMALL?
Amisha: Well, I have a very challenging role in this flick, requiring intense
mental and physical preparations, with emphasis on the vocal prep. Physical, because
I had to carry off ghagras weighing about 200kg each plus about 1,800 pounds of
accessories, and had 3 thumbs constantly caressing my cheek - it's not fun when
all three belong to the same person.
Puss: What about the mental and... vooo...
Amisha (interrupts): You see, it is a comic role with serious undertones
(even I haven't figured that one - writer). I had to be mentally prepared to accept
this challenging role. My gold medal winning economics course from Tufts University
helped me prepare a thorough background of this role (puffs up and smiles). Director
Vickram Bhatt utilized my vocal chords to the max... I love you Vickram! I enjoyed
shrieking and making wheezing noises like somebody standing in front of the air
cooler while it was on, and made loud talking noises. Wait, let me demonstrate...
(springs to her feet) - wheeeeee wheeeeeeeeeeeez, wheieeezzxxaas!!! Wheeeeeiiiiiiizzzzzzzeeeeeeeeaaaxxx,
aaaaaaaaaaa, boohoo hoopoe!!! (As a writer, I am for once at a loss for words.)
Puss: While Amisha hyperventilates into the big brown bag, let's give a
warm welcome to Hrithik.
(Hrithik smiles disarmingly.)
Puss: Why don't YOU tell us about the movie?
Hrithik: (Smiling charmingly, and twitching his biceps embarrassedly) Umm,
well, it's the usual love story. I am a regular student Rohit (grins). And I am
a student from NEC College.
Puss: National Engineering College, hon?
Hrithik: Heck, no! National Egg Corporation. Anyway, I fall in love with
Amisha who is the daughter of an underworld don (Kiran Kumar). I sneak in during
Navratri as a singer-dancer-drummer combine, and woo my ladylove.
Amisha (waving): Wheeeeizzzeeee... dat's me, folks!
Hrithik: Anyway, she is this bird in an ivory cage - she hasn't had a glimpse
of the outside world. We fall in love, and on the day that she is to get married
to somebody else, I sneak her out to my hosetale...
Puss: (Snicker snicker!) He means hostel, chickies!
Hrithik: Yeah, whatever! So now that she has been snuggled out, all hell
breaks lose and her psychotic bro turns up, beats the crap outta me, and drags
her back home. Amisha, now cornered and with no hope of recovering her lost love,
swallows a handful of orange neend ki goliyaan.
Amisha: Actually they were a methyl endocrinal-exp hydrochloric lift-pump
angular formulation, Hrithik, not any plain neend ki goliyaan. You see Puss, I
am extremely finicky about what goes into my oral cavities!
Puss: Aren't we all, dear?
Hrithik: Like I was saying, this is when the movie turns slightly gory,
giving me an opportunity to do my Robocop imitation (which I have been working
on for the past 7 years). My Arnie type looks absolutely shake the climax as I
pummel and pound one big goon after another. I totally ROCK!
Puss: While Hrithik ascends his egoistic high, why don't we get a reaction
from the slightly dazed audience emerging from the halls? Hey fellas, how as the
Chap 1: Sooooper! Hrithik is good, good biceps, Amisha is nice, but why
she keep crying? Songs are okay, Hrithik is sooper. He is really looking in love
Chap 2: Good vibes, both hero heroine, good attraction is there. Amisha is
wearing many clothes, one on top of another. Many bangles and color-color-bindis
also. Hrithik is dancing well.
Puss: What about the story, lovey?
Chap 2: Story? Usual masala. Means we have seen same story, but achcha
treatment hai. Love scenes come means background music becomes nice. Amisha keeps
doing loud noises when she cries - like this: 'wheeeeiiiiizze waaaaaaiiiiiilllllwheeeixebjwjbs!!!'
Puss: Put a lid on it buddy, I think we get the picture. Looks like it'll
go down well with the regular audiences.
Amisha: Oh, it's a total magnet and iron fillings reaction! They'll love
Puss: Well! That's all I have for you today, my hunny-bunnies. I couldn't
tear anybody to shreds today - still reeling form the de-fang treatment I underwent
last week. And looks like those sarcasm treatment sessions seem to be working.
Ciao from here! (Kiss kiss hug hug!)