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Aayana + Aame = 9 Review

Prasheel Anand /
Can watch again
Good for kids
Good for dates
Wait to rent it
The only thing that would prevent you from giving a standing ovation to Aayna + Aame = 9, will be your state of altered consciousness. If you can still muster enough stamina, don't put your hands together, as that may encourage the director to make one more flick from the same fabric.

Surya (Jayaram) and Kiran (Sambhavani) decide to take the plunge from a cliff as society won't acknowledge their union. On the cliff they abruptly decide that they'll postpone their athleticism for a while, and instead, entertain the woods nearby with hip-jerking dances and tear-dropping dramatics.

In there, all they get to do is exchange pleasantries - you hit me, I hit you; you bully me, I bully you; and obviously, you kiss me, I kiss you back harder. Time is running out for the duo, as God has given humans just 9 months for all this khit-pit. However, the film largely focusses on this intervening gestation period, thankfully!

And off you go with the hosts of the film into a world of budding love, green locales, 36-36-36 shaped waterfalls, and unconditional matrimony. The only condition, however, is that the male lead should be a peeping-tom each morning, while the female lead is changing her clothes. To this point, Surya plays a devoted husband. Surya my friend, the seed you've sown is now germinating, and it's time for you to wipe that silly, boyish grin from your face, and stop ogling at Kiran.

Umm, so now it's time to welcome that moment where couples behave as if they are at the Pearly Gates - "We didn't expect a little bit of frolic in the jungle would cost us so many diapers and milk-bottles". What are we to do? Nothing, just stop behaving as if you've actually delivered a baby, it sounds unlovely. The couple brave this moment, and are blessed with a baby - born with denim overalls, and weighing nothing less than five kilos. Bilkul apne Maa pe gaya hain. The couple's now happily nursing the child, while finding time to nurse themselves - in dance, and undercover sequences.

Eventually - no, thankfully - the duo... oops, the trio, head back to the city. Again, thankfully, the story ends here while the narration in the background sympathizes with couples who have been abandoned from the society, on the basis of caste, creed, religion and money.

What else can I say? I've had my share of nausea watching the flick - watching the hapless actors dance to bawdy tunes, and their flimsy acting. Please, please, do whatever, but don't ever try to commit suicide by jumping off cliffs. If you tried but later changed your mind, we would be the ones suffering, as your story might inspire a lot of jobless people - filmmakers, for instance.
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