Here's what our own version of Bryan Adams - Remo Fernandes - has to say to Osama
bin Laden and the like in Ittefaq:
"Hum hai deewane
Saare jag se begaane,
Hume ishq ladaane de,
Bomb mat maar,
Baba bomb mat maar."
And this is perhaps the most exciting thing in this movie. That's to give you an idea of what you are getting into.
As the name suggests, Ittefaq is all about coincidences, and the sheer number and complexity of the coincidences in the movie will leave you dazed. Our protagonist Vikram Singh (Mukul Dev) stays in a village, and like all villagers is draped in designer wear and puts gel in his hair. It so happens that two criminals - who look more like comedians - break out and get into this village. Vikram coincidentally bumps into them, and the police arrive just in time to catch them. And Vikram gets all the accolades. But his mom is scared of the possible repercussions, and packs him off to Mumbai.
Cut to somewhere else in India where a few goons led by a Jindaal (Mohan Joshi) break into a military controlled building and run away with a CD containing all the information about India's latest missile program.
Cut to Mumbai again. Some police officer obtains the CD and runs. He is chased by the goons and killed. But, as you might have guessed, Vikram coincidentally comes for a stroll exactly there and witnesses the murder, and the dying officer hands him over the CD.
The rest of the movie has Vikram on the run, chased by the police on one hand and by Jindaal's goons on the other, and you struggling to keep yourself awake.
Now you'll ask what Sunil Shetty's doing in the movie. Well, he is another goon called Shiva who has his own sad little story to add and two songs to sing, and I can't will myself to either tell you the story or sing the songs. Shiva is hired by Jindaal to track Vikram. What follows is Sunil Shetty appearing once in a while on screen fuming like a steam engine that is out of order, just to disappear again. While he is on screen he either dreams about his dead girl friend (Anupama Verma) or performs a few unnecessary stunts.
Finally, what's Pooja Batra doing in the movie? Good Question. She is adding to the hundreds of coincidences in the movie, what else? She is the spoilt daughter of millionaire Kader Khan, and runs away from home to avoid an unwanted marriage. She coincidentally bumps into Mukul Dev, they coincidentally get chained in the same handcuff, and they unavoidably have to run together. During the course of the run they very originally fall in love. So now Kader Khan too joins the chase.
And as this cat and mouse game continues throughout the movie, you keep on wondering why Mukul Dev doesn't just go and hand over the CD to the nearest police station (especially since that's what the dying police officer asked him to do) and finish this chase and spare us of this torture.
So here's the verdict. Even if you slip somewhere and coincidentally land up outside
a theater screening Ittefaq and somebody coincidentally hands you over the tickets,
just run for your life.