I will comment on one or two paragraphs from the review per day. That way, I do not have to spend a lot of time at once and it will give you guys a chance to actually look at my comments and see whether or not they make sense.
Original Review - "We are okay with the wardrobe part. Actually, we are thrilled."
[Comments by SS] -- Not the best usage of 'Actually', even if technically correct. 'Actually' is used to suggest something unexpected (or something that is a fact). Here, the writer simply has a change of heart. While the writer may not have expected that sudden change of heart, we do not have to be told about that. Simply stating that the writer (or writing team) is thrilled by the wardrobe would have done it. If the writer feels so compelled to write out his thought process, he or she should try something more descriptive like 'We are okay with the wardrobe. On second thoughts, let us change that opinion and say that we are actually thrilled with the wardrobe.'
And oh - there is no need for 'part' in the phrase 'wardrobe part'. It is redundant and incorrect.
Original Review - "That someone is exercising some independent thought – why, indeed, should Lord Krishna come dressed in a dhoti and rich jewelry today instead of a Manish Malhotra ensemble?
Alas, that’s where the depth ends in Krishnarjuna.
That’s a genuine alas.... "
[Comments by SS] -- The independence of thought referred to has already been exercised by the movie makers. There is nobody exercising that thought while the review is being written or being read. A better phrase would be 'That somebody should exercise some independence in thought...blah blah blah'. Also, the fact that somebody exercised that independent thought should be commented on and the sentence completed and not left incomplete. So, something like this would be a nice and complete thought -- 'That somebody should exercise some independence in thought is a commendable' or 'That somebody...in thought is a refreshing change from...'.
The writer wass trying to say that Lord Krishna's wardrobe was a novelty and that is commendable. However, it is expressed in a couple of disconnected phrases. Also, if the writer feels compelled to pose the question from the second phrase, then, pose that question first and then provide the previous phrase (independent exercise) as an answer to it instead of making a statement and then using a question to support it. And, avoid composing long sentences like the one I just did. Use simple and short sentences.
Second para is 'Alas, ...'. And, the third para starts with a reference to this 'alas'. Try to make paragraphs indepedent and complete. Do some homework on the rules of writing a paragraph. As far as this review is concerned, the third paragraph should simply have been a continuation of the second paragraph and should not have been split.
Thats about it for the day. Time to go home from work. Take this feedback positively and don't start criticizing me.