Remember that cool sequence in The Matrix where Keanu Reeves is dodging all
those bullets? Well, this flick makes you wanna pump 'em all back into him and
try to save him the embarrassment of being in it. Really, it's terribly cruel
to expect Reeves to act. Sure, he can lead a mean bus to hell and back, but
man, seeing ol' Wood Face as a serial killer is emotionally draining for both
the audience and the dude himself.
The Watcher is the usual cops and killer-on-the-run stuff. David Griffin (Keanu)
is a serial killer and manages to spook FBI agent Joel Campbell (James Spader)
into a comatose state of retirement. Campbell is now in Chicago, trying to flee
from the dark shadows of his past in San Francisco. And he's showing all the
symptoms of a bummed out cop - viz. living in a dank filthy apartment (which
one could mistake for a landfill if it weren't for a guy sitting in the midst
of the muck), popping pills from all sides of the Atlantic and generally staying
down in the doldrums.
The only person Campbell is seeing is his shrink Polly (Marisa Tomei). But then
he's pretty cuckoo about not being able to solve the serial killer David Griffin
case. Then one day, out of the garbage fumes comes a picture in the mail addressed
to Campbell from David - the challenge is to find the girl in the picture before
9 o'clock. If he doesn't, then the girl dies. This is, of course, after being
charmed out of her petticoat by our own Mr. Reeves who then gets a huge kick
by strangling the victim with piano wire.
I can't decide which is more nauseating, the whole corny challenge or watching
Keanu dance... nooooooooooo, not after The Matrix. And alors this whole
Tom and Jerry thing continues and we all salivate gratefully into our popcorn
as a sad knee jerk reaction to this trauma.
Anyways, the flick continues and the director tries too hard to be Hitchcock.
He's a llama trying to be Jar Jar Binks...no man, not going to happen. Joe Charbanic
makes a wheezing attempt to make the film come across like a film noir, and
I could almost see the crew grin from ear to ear. And the soundtrack contributes
overwhelmingly to the overall gargoylish feel of the flick.
Keanu deserves an honorary Razzy for the 'scariest attempt at trying to look
scary'. James Spader is better that way - he has a natural crocodile-in-heat
look, and you certainly don't wanna toss that sandwich at him. And if you blink
your eye, you're sure to miss Marisa Tomei, certainly the only one whose talent
is wasted on a regular basis.
The flick is okay to swat a few irritating hours, but nothing more and nothing