When a film is great, a reviewer wants to appreciate it. He spends time on finding ways to express that cinematic brilliance in terms of prose. When a film is outright abominable, the reviewer wants to draw out his daggers. He spends time on finding innovative ways to poke at the disgrace. Both cases make for interesting writing experiences. However, when the film is mediocre, the reviewer wants to do nothing with it. He spends time - oh, so much time - trying to get something out but nothing comes. Because there is nothing in mediocrity that inspires an emotion in a person.
After a writer's block of roughly nine hours, we have finally decided to give it to you straight: Wajah Tum Ho (WTH - fully acceptable if you mix it up with What The Hell) is a very, very mediocre film. It has absolutely no reason to exist.
We just looked up the review guidelines and point number 8 reads: "Please stick to 500-1,000 words". And we're now at 174 words. Hmm...
There is a plot premise which is all high-concept. Live murder on television, a media honcho (Rajneesh Duggal) accused, a lawyer couple (Sana Khan and Gurmeet Choudhary) who are fighting each other in this case, and a top cop (Sharman Joshi) who is trying to get to the bottom of it all. For all the high concept, the plot's idea of progression is to introduce incongruent twist after incongruent twist which has nothing to do with whatever has played out till then.
The visuals also try to be high-concept. You see geo-stationary satellites which receive signals in the form of luminiscent blue rays. You see computer consoles with a green skull in the background. You see expensive art direction which the art-director must have believed was trendy. But at the end of the day, the only visuals which brought people to the theatre involved cleavages (of Sana Khan, Zareena Khan and Sherlyn Chopra), and that really didn't need the high-concept posturing.
The music, too, tries. So much distortion on electric guitars. So much schreeching of violins. And yet, we could very well have been watching an Ekta Kapoor soap.
Sana Khan looks uncomfortable under those tight clothes. Sharman Joshi looks uncomfortable under his skin. None of the actors actually tries. Except perhaps Rajneesh Duggal, who is the most pleasant thing about the movie.
There, we said all that needs to be said and some more. (411 words... will power, where are you when you are needed the most?)
We imagine, somewhere, there is probably a shrine for mediocrity where Vishal Pandya (WTH's director) is the high priest. In this dull place of worship he probably examines the flowers to make sure they aren't very bright or have any fragrance. Then he probably tastes the prasad so that nothing of taste gets through. In all that blandness and dullness, he probably conducts sermons which are read out of the script of Wajah Tum Ho.
It isn't a very interesting thing to imagine, and we wouldn't do it if we didn't desperately want to touch the word limit and get done with it.
Hey, 530! We love you.