Ahoy there matey! Fancy yerself a spot o' moving pictures this weekend? The Guardian ye say? Billions of blue blistering barnacles, I say. Arr, that there be cursed waters, me friend. All puns intended, of course.
Alright, alright, so I had some fun with faux sea man talk there. Let me have my fun, though, for I have watched a wretched film.
Well, to be fair, The Guardian does try. For about the first half hour or so, it actually looks like it might become a passable entertainer. Alas, it just squanders what little it had going for itself, and meanders its way to the long....