Deewaanapan Review

Take a deep breath, ladies and gentlemen, as we embark upon an inter-theater voyage where you will get to see two fine specimens of the Bollywood race who seem to have created a record of sorts by being able to survive for several years without functioning brains. Are you amazed? Does the whole thing awe you? Do you want to experience the magic of an empty cerebellum?

The onscreen duo who seem to smolder with sensuality (the non-visible kind) and sizzle with blank expressions, Diya Mirza and macho man Arjun Rampal, hit the screen with a whimpering vengeance. Don't look away now - pay close attention as you actually hear their empty heads rattle.

Let me tell you, there are more words in the earlier passage than what Diya gets to say through the whole film. The movie has scenes that defy all rules of common sense right from the word go. Kiran (Diya Mirza) goes on a trip to Dalhousie, which, we all know, is in India, and whose northern boundary is New Zealand and southern is Switzerland. There she meets Captain Corny Suraj (Arjun Rampal), all lip-salved and gel-haired. They 'fall in love', and then thankfully she heads back for Mumbai.

Suraj reaches Mumbai looking for her, and studies in a college called 'Howard' which we all know as being next door to Yale. He's on the basketball team - which incidentally is the national sport after KuchKuch Hota Hai. Anyways, he finds the moron, and to prove that they still have the hots for each other, they sing and dance about a bit.

The singing around bushes comes to a grinding halt when Kiran's Dad, Ranvir Choudhary (Vinod Khanna), finds out about the affair. This guy is a huge bigwig, and like all big wigs he employs a couple of goons to keep Suraj at 75mm distance. But love shall triumph and Suraj does his bit to prevent his family from getting harassed about. What happens now? Will love triumph? Will Suraj unite with his ladylove Kiran? Will you survive the ordeal?

This review, and I state this in due modesty, has more content than the movie. The songs suck big time, and the story is something that you have heard ever since you could hear. It's a Rampal flick through and through - when you don't see him flashing his boyish charm towards you, he's flexing his muscles in a pristine white banian. And just when you think he's off the screen for a second, he leaps straight back at you in something as spectacular as shorts.

Diya Mirza just springs up in the songs and you forget in all due convenience that she's the cause for all the misery in the flick. She just pops up, tries to act cute, falls flat in her attempt and gracefully makes way for Rampal who has to flex his muscles. Incidentally, he is the only actor to have something common with his actress - a vacuum between his ears. They are a toxic combination of wood (Rampal) and plastic (Diya), and their whiny voices never cease.

The movie is terrible, in simple words. Om Puri is wasted as Rampal's pop. Vinod Khanna is meaningfully mean looking and succeeds in scaring the creeps outta anyone, but that's the only thing shining. Oh man, another week another flop... Diya needs to be proud of her debut, while I'm sure Rampal will have a successful career in the world of banian advertising.

That's the view from here... hope you survive.