Janasheen Review

The state of Indian cinema has gone from the dumps to the gutter. Soft porn has crept into our already none-too-sacred industry. It won't be long before we get to see a mainstream heroine revealing all. Hurrah! Until then, blisters like this will ever so gently burst under the skin of our Cinema.

Jaanasheen is nothing but a vulgar display of power. That of intense scientific progress - push-up underwear, silicon and a fair hold on the chapter of Heights & Distances. Fardeen is an amateur bike racer. Blaming his dad for his mom's death, he lives in Australia with his aunt. His dad however needs him to become the heir for the empire, and so ends up in Australia himself.

Feroz Khan is a dreaded mafia boss having problems with Fardeen's dad. Eventually Feroz clips him. But Feroz somehow takes a liking to Fardeen. He reminds Feroz of his own son martyred in the Afghan war in '81. So now he wants Fardeen as an heir for his empire, too. Hence the name 'Jaanasheen', which surprisingly doesn't mean "more skin than Baywatch".

In the end, Fardeen comes to know that his father figure murdered his father. He's left speechless, not to mention utterly expressionless. But he somehow manages to deal with him permanently. Plenty of reels are wasted on the biking sequence. The makers never saw the X zone on ESPN.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for. Just like in the movies, the best has been stored for the last, to let you stay on. Celina Jaitley! She's hot enough to make the Devil sweat. She has a bikini for every occasion: dancing in the pub - trendy purple bikini; running at the shore - comfy yellow bikini; brother dead, father murdered - sad black-and-white bikini. But don't jump to rash conclusions about her, her role demanded it. In real life she's different.

An underground film magazine read, "But contrary to the general belief, it seems Celina carries herself off very well. In the launch party of Jaanasheen in a five star hotel, she managed not to choke on anything, but couldn't figure out which utensils to use, and ended up trying to eat soup with a fish fork. Far better than Fardeen and Feroz, who were wasted enough to think Jaanasheen would make it big."

If there are any creatures that want to know what her role in the film was, please get a life. According to a poll conducted, six out of ten people interviewed said that they had experienced "admirable understanding" after looking at her; two out of ten admitted to heart attacks; and one in twenty said that it was better than any other dog food.

Feroz is known to be quite foxy. I bet he didn't have many headaches at all while making Jaanasheen. It used up all of 2 neurons of his brain. Jaanasheen throws light on the dark corners of the minds of rapists and the possible cause behind their attacks. To say the least, it was taxing to understand how the film passed the censor board. Did Celina's magic work on them too or were they rooting for Fardeen?