The Train Review

The Train poses several fundamental questions. Whether Emraan Hashmi is an anagram of Himesh Reshammiya is one of them. Whether his leading ladies really want to lock lips with him is another. Going by what appears to be distinct reluctance in a couple of scenes, the answer to the latter appears to be "No".

Unwittingly, one of the characters in The Train spells out the best way to make such movies sell: "bikna hai to bikini chahiye". Perhaps if those sage words had been listened to, The Train would've been a lot easier on the eye. As it stands, one has to sit through the ordeal of watching Hashmi, Bhagat, Basra and Merchant going through the motions.

Vishal (Hashmi) is a Bangkok advertising executive. We know this because while everyone else in the office wears business suits, Vishal only wears flowery shirts and grungy trousers. His wife Anjali (Bhagat) is a hotshot businesswoman, who likes to go to work in incredibly short skirts. They have a daughter who is seriously ill and is waiting for a kidney transplant.

The marriage is on the rocks for reasons that aren't exactly apparent. The suggestion is that it's the kid's illness that is the root cause, but the real reason of course is that this allows Vishal to run into Roma (Geeta Basra). Roma is a hotshot businesswoman, who likes to go to work in short skirts.

It should now be plain as day that the overarching theme of the movies is short skirts. Vishal and Roma get cozier and cozier, to the accompaniment of the musical score, which just about rescues The Train from complete oblivion.

Just as Vishal and Roma are about to do the unthinkable (yeah, right), a hoodlum barges in and discovers Vishal's identity. Tony (Aseem Merchant) starts calling Vishal at home and harassing him, mostly by saying "Hi buddy" into the phone in increasingly annoying ways, and demanding exponentially increasing amounts of money.

To be fair, the basic plot is interesting enough to keep you engaged. Maybe this is because approximately 6 million movies have been made before with the same idea, and everyone has it down pat. One suspects that with a cast that could really act, and with a setting that isn't as exotic as Bangkok, a decent thriller could've resulted.

To continue being fair, we should single out Mithoon's music (and to some extent Sayeed Qadri's lyrics) for special mention. The Train will remain in our consciousness long after it has exited theaters because "Woh Ajnabee" and "Mausam" will linger on in remixes and "best of" avatars for some time.

The recipe for the Hashmi movie is close to perfection. 1 nos. brooding Hashmi, 2 nos. reluctant lip-lockers, a generous sprinkling of skin, a dollop of adultery, a pinch of blackmail, a smidgen of murder and what have you. One wonders who watches them, but it appears that he is headed in the direction of Mithunda who carved his own niche market.