Asthram Review

Asthram is a faithful remake of Sarfarosh. Only, it violates certain cardinal rules of remaking:

1. You do not remake a film that originally starred Aamir Khan
2. ...putting Manchu Vishnu Vardhan Babu in Aamir's place (repeat twice with increasing emphasis on "Manchu Vishnu Vardhan Babu")
3. ...and then actually make him dub for himself
4. ...and, worst of all, show him in sleeveless tops (Oh Sweet Lord)

Sarfarosh was a big pan-Indian hit, so the logic in remaking it was perhaps that people in interior Andhra would not have seen a Hindi film. By that logic, next they should remake Black with Manchu Vishnu Vardhan Babu. Oh my God, did I actually say that out aloud?

Now all of us know that any decent reviewer evaluates a movie on its own merit and its appropriateness for the audiences it was made, instead of blindly comparing it to the movie it has copied. But since we at fullhyd.com are not decent reviewers, we present the following questionnaire comparing the two films.

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1. Which of the following is the original movie: a. Sarfarosh b. Asthram

a. a
b. b
c. c
d. None of the above

Answer: The correct answer is (a), of course. If you ticked anything else, you are unbelievable for two reasons: 1. for not remembering what you read 3 paras back, and 2. for thinking anyone would remake Asthram. Then again, who knows. (If you are wondering about the "c" there, well, we can't directly put "d" after "b", right?)


2. Which of the two films above starred Aamir Khan?

a. Sarfarosh
b. Asthram
c. The one that was much better

Answer: The correct answer is (a), again. To all those who ticked "c", you are being judgemental. Look at us - so far, have we said even in one place that one of the two movies is better than the other? (The correct answer to that is, of course, "yes". Have we said anywhere that being judgemental is wrong? The correct answer to that is "no".)


3. Is Aamir Khan a better actor than Manchu Vishnu Vardhan Babu?

a. What
b. What do
c. What do you
d. What do you think
e. What do you think, you
f.  What do you think, you dumb
g. What do you think, you dumb moron?

Answer: The correct answer is (g). Anything else, as you can see, is incomplete.


4. Which of the following looks overweight, does not have the build required for an action hero while still aspiring to be one, and wears sleeveless shirts to show off his biceps when he has none?

a. Aamir Khan
b. Akshay Kumar
c. Pooja Bhatt
d. None of the above

Answer: The correct answer is (d). That is because we have not listed the correct answer in the options above. We feel a joke is a joke, and a lawsuit is a lawsuit.


5. Which of these movies is likely to come closest to Asthram in box-office collections?

a. Sarfarosh
b. Jajantram Mamantram
c. Nashtam - The sequel to Asthram
d. Any streaming movie on freelivewebcams.com

Answer: The correct answer is (e). We know there is no "e" there, but you get the general drift from "a" to "d".

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Now for every correct answer, give yourself 20 marks. For every wrong answer deduct 1/3rd mark. That way, at least this exercise will get you more marks than CAT, if not anything else.

As for watching Asthram, well, there's Anushka. She even says "Don't mind," by the way. She's certainly not the main thing you'll mind about this movie. Vishnu Vardhan Babu has millions of miles to go and billions of expressions to pick up before he catches up with his illustrious father. To start with, he could hit the gym - getting to be hero is a stroke of luck in Tollywood, and if it comes on a platter, the least you can do is take it seriously.

The ticket price for this one is Rs. 100 at Prasad's, by the way. It's what they call the proverbial last nail in the coffin. There were 5 rows with people when we went. The reason you'd have to watch this would have to be purely philanthropic.