Cool Surface Review

One wonders why our esteemed distributors of porn flicks gave an appellation to this film that calls itself 'The Cool Surface' as 'Cecilia'. Apart from incurring the wrath of Simon and Garfunkel, they have also touched a raw nerve of the Teri Hatcher fans (yes, there are a lot of them), who look forward basically to the great body and aesthetic love-making in all her films. Releasing a film on such base grounds is definitely blasphemy to the Hatcher fan club. But the silver lining is, Teri Hatcher does not disappoint them at all, as we see later.

The Cool Surface is an erotic (need we say that?) thriller about Jarvis (Patrick), a talented but struggling novelist. When Jarvis presents his manuscript to his agent, the man criticizes the novel saying, "People won't read it. Put some bullets in it. I can sell bullets." Shortly afterwards, Jarvis becomes involved in a passionate affair with his neighbor, Dani (Hatcher at her anatomical best), an actress who provides the proper inspiration for the down-and-out novelist. A major film studio purchases the rights to his first novel and Dani is cast in the film based on that novel. But Jarvis and Dani play emotionally dangerous games with each other, which lead to some fatal results.

Remember that when someone says he's cool, he's automatically not? Well, that applies to The Cool Surface, too. Oh, sure, Teri Hatcher's in it... nekkid, and that's certainly a plus. But Hatcher's nude body is the only thing this movie has going for it, and that wasn't nearly enough to redeem this film, so inept in every other way that it was actively painful to watch.

The acting was bad at best. The writing was self-conscious and sophomoric. The cinematography was amateurish. The plot's wanderings were unbelievable. The costumes and hairstyles looked as if they'd come from a 70s-era porn film, though there was no obvious reason for them to have. What I'm saying here is, don't see this film even if you drool at the thought of Lois Lane in the buff. Save yourself - it's just not worth it.