Freaky Chakra Review

Hi! I'm your "sutradhar"! Like in the movie, I'm going to be your narrator in this review too. Now if you've seen me on Channel V, you'll know me either as a cool, groovy, happening dude with a great sense of humor and scintillating charm, or as a bowl of crap, depending on your taste. We take that taste test to the extreme in this film, since here you get to sample my intellect as well - I even contributed some thought to this one. But let's start with a joke: Why did the blonde cross the road?

At first, Freaky Chakra appears like a horror movie because of the rather psychedelic settings, the eerie camera movements and my sick jokes. But as the movie progresses you realize that it's actually a comedy - it's just that we don't know the difference. ...Because the road can't cross the blonde! Hah hah hah hah haaaaaaa! Confused? That was the answer to the riddle above - in this movie, we also take our time to finish our jokes. I, for instance, last the whole movie.

In case you are wondering why I am faffing around, I am not - I have already narrated the first 45 minutes of the film. It's just that nothing happens in it. Okay, if you must, Ms. Thomas (Deepti Naval) is a widowed woman staying in an apartment, and cribs about just anything and anybody. We show this through a first sample incident, and then we show it through a second sample incident. Then we show it through a third sample incident, and then a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, a seventh, an eighth, a ninth, a tenth, an eleventh, a twelfth, a thirteenth, a fourteenth, a fifteenth, a sixteenth, a seventee... hey, is everybody getting the point here? Ms. Thomas, irritable, cribs, yadda yadda? Okay, then. Let's move this review along.

Like I said, by around the 45th minute, you are fairly sure that Ms. Thomas is irritable and cribs a lot. And so the time is ripe to introduce our next character, Sunil (Sunil Reoh). ...Because the road can't cross the blonde! Hah hah hah hah haaaaaaa! Oh, did I forget - we also keep repeating our jokes all through the movie.

Sunil is a biologically active 19-year-old who's desperately looking for paying guest accommodation, and finds the fully furnished Ms. Thomas too much to resist. Got it, got it? I said "fully furnished Ms. Thomas"! Hee hee haw haw har har!!! It's sad, but this is a low-budget film and we can't afford any joke being missed. If this were a TV show, we'd have added a laughtrack. Heck, if this were an ad, we'd have still needed to add a laughtrack.

Anyway, Sunil lands in Ms. Thomas' house and then in her bed. The guy starring in Leela got to bed Dimple, but, like I said, this is a low-budget movie. But we don't SHOW anything, of course - even we have some standards! Also, like you know, there's Asha Parekh sitting in the Censor Board... but, hey, the reason is STILL that even we have some standards!

Something and all happens and the movie eventually ends. This flick was made by an ad agency - you know, those kinds who feel the need to show that they are creative through long hair, unshaven faces, nicotine-stained teeth, smoke-stenched breath, gruffy voices and loads of attitoooooode, but whose interpretation of creativity is anything that is random, vague and generally arbitrary, so that they can morph their incompetence into your unsophistication. For instance, we are shortly bringing out the first volume of our explanation of why this movie is called Freaky Chakra. What you need, honey, is image management technique! And a sucker to fund your BS. Ask me, hyuk!