Aaruguru Pativratalu Review

"Ultimately, we're all dead men." It's words like these that coax men into doing some of the most obtuse things, like agreeing to see Aaruguru... This contemplative recollection of why I did what I did, is as important as narrating the plot of this movie. Because both are strictly for the birds. Strictly!

There are these six little girls with double braids and extra inquisitiveness. Very corny. Six times the corniness. They finish-up their schooling and decide to meet exactly after six years in the same village. Six years go by, and they all return. They've all grown into mature women now. Their corniness has also matured. They're professional about the whole deal, now.

One by one, they narrate how life has been treating them.

Braid number one has a really tough deal in her life. She got married to this really nice guy. That's not the tough deal. The deal is that he has no "under standing." Not many are ready enough to get the meaning of that, so she shows them all the raunchy, almost lovemaking scenes. "Almost" because the husband has no "under standing." Get it?

She's devastated. But then comes along a man who can really "stand up" for his rights. He's stinking with wealth as well. Who'd pass up an opportunity like that? Especially the director, when he can show some more semi-porn action in a last ditch attempt to attract the crowds? So after all the hot (?) scenes, she says that she is not ready to leave any of her men. Neither are the men ready. So now they're all living together. Thankfully, the director doesn't show us how they do that!

The second braid is a karate black-belt that sets up her mother-in-law with a desperate lecher. All shown in the most convincing manner. The audience was convinced thoroughly that this was the cheapest thing they ever saw. They showed respect by throwing up uncontrollably.

The third bird (did I say braid earlier?) has a tale to tell, as well. She's hitched to an army man, who's got to leave for the Cant in three days. They're jinxed with their "first night." After a thousand ridiculous mishaps, the time to leave for the camp arrives. You die laughing seeing the next scene.

The army guy is hunting down terrorists in Kashmir with his ultra-supersonic toy gun as his wife calls him on his mobile. She's making expressions while holding his photograph and talking to him. He's doing the killings while he's dirty-talking with her or something. They don't let us hear what he's saying, but it sure as hell looked like it!

The tales of the rest of the braids are better left alone as they're all about psychopaths. They're specially left alone because of a psychopath who's paranoid about his boss and his word count - namely, me. I wasn't psycho earlier; this movie turned me into one.

This movie comes with some text at the back of the tickets that can only be read if you were born with microscopes in your skull. It says:

6 heroes - if we can call them heroes, we can call you one, too. Contact us! Make sure you have a dead face and a healthy Swiss bank account before that.
6 comedians - you'll be howling for getting into the theater throughout. But at some point you'll go crazy and start laughing. That's when we'll enter these guys.
6 heroines - same as above.
6 first-night scenes - plus 6 X 6 barf bags free!
6 corny, horny, phoney tales - the actual title.
6 cyanides - will not have the same effect on you as this movie.

So, have fun suckers, suckers, suckers, suckers, suckers, suckers!