Kaise Kahoon Ke Pyaar Hai Review

3 Potassiums (K3) - yes. Add some cyanide and pass them around, like.
1 Phosphorus (P) - molecule burnt in scriptwriter's head every 20 minutes in order to give 'bright' idea to eat up a few more precious reels.
1 Hydrogen (H) - fill some balloons with a few more of these molecules, tie to reel and release.
Up, up and away! Quicker, relatively painless and who knows, may even be more fun. Before grabbing for those intermediate chemistry texts, let me tell you that Kaise Kahoon Ke Pyaar Hai, or K3PH, as a formula, is as far-fetched on screen as it is in a chemistry textbook - so no point looking there!

Karan (Amit Hingorani) and Priya (Sharbani Mukherjee) are the hottest, cutest, most bestest twosome in college, but with serious vocabulary problems. Try as they may, Cupid's three favorite words just refuse to co-operate.

Anyway, a few songs later, at the college farewell, they profess, we regress and the story progresses. Karan's baap is none other than... hold breath... still... a little more... Dharam paaji!! No susaat yet please. Anyway, mummy-papa separated because she found out that dad is a thief (a la Robin Hood). Sonny boy has, of course, followed in his Dad's large, lumbering footsteps, and they plan a heist together.

The only man who can stop them... weighing in at 20-30 unnecessarily violent films... the 'Vijay' of the late 80s and 90s...CBI inispector Arjun (Sunny Baba) Singh! He has to be dug out of some 'fighting' ring, though (Rambo). Cut to the heist and you can enjoy a recap/mish mash of The Heist, The Thomas Crown Affair and Ocean's Eleven as starters. I don't have the heart to take away what little fun you might get out of this flick, so I'll just mention the... on second thought, maybe not.

Post-cool drink and popcorn, Karan gets out of jail (damn!)... and is jobless, when Priya's dad gives him a job. This is about where the phosphorus I mentioned earlier starts to kick in. I'm sorely tempted to tell the rest in filmi dialogues, 'cos it's basically all been done before.

'Main tumse bahut pyaar karti/karta hoon.'
'Tumhe blood cancer hai...dudhun dudhun dudhun (suspense/shock music)'
'Bhaiyya, mujhe shaadi nahin karni... waaaahhhhh!!!!!'
'Nahiiiiiiiiiiiinnnn!!!! Waaaahhhhh!!!'

But I'm getting bored. The rest is infidelity drama, murder mystery, chori and all the rest of it. Scriptwriter's motto - so many inane side-plots to copy, so little time... sighhhh.

Proud Papa producer Arjun Hingorani's son Amit is thrown into the deep end when he's asked to intro his filmi career with a Hrithik-style club dance number. The poor chap looks like a before-after (mostly 'before') ad for a dancing school. To his credit, he finds his feet soon, and the Rajat Kapur (Byomkesh Bakshi, Aamir's bro in Ghulam) look-alike does okay. In the right sort of director's hands and a half-decent role, I think he might just be good enough for a couple more flicks.

Sunny and Dharam paaji are basically special appearances, but get the loudest cheers. Sunny just looks thoroughly bored. Farida Jalal, Johnny Lever and Alok Nath are their usual selves. But the big disappointment was Sharbani. I thought actresses got better with time and experience, and she wasn't so bad in Border. Here she's just the usual bimbo with a song here, some glycerine there, and body parts everywhere. While I still cling to memories of the beautiful Piya Re video, ...thaare bina bhi chalegi yeh phillum re...