'Ek laakh rupaay tumhaari shareer se phootenge' is one of the tetra-million profoundly ridiculous dialogues in here. These, and a script that has been all over the place.
Welcome to 'Bazaar'. This is the natural habitat of scores of sex workers, and each of them has a sob story to tell. And each of them will tell it. Like Bazaar's very own little elocution competition. And you will sob, alright! Like I did that I got bullied into reviewing this movie.
And for those of you who were expecting a ton of porn or semi-porn scenes being dished out on the double, you are in for a huge disappointment. This is the sole reason why half the theatre cleared out by the interval. The other two were of the extremely optimistic variety.
To cut a long story short (trust me, you wouldn't want it any other way) Anna (Shakti Kapoor) is a pimp. And a really strange looking one at that. A ridiculous wig roosts on his pate, a little below that is a vermilion-smeared forehead. This along with the dhoti/lungi and an atrocious Tamilian accent is supposed to pass him off as one. Puhleeease!
This pimp does what a pimp does. Along with a henchman - Rangeela (Vrijesh Hirjee). The woman, er… man; no sorry… woman; never mind… who's in charge of the daily 'management' of the place is a cross between a transvestite and a eunuch.
The story begins with a poor young girl, Muskaan, being sold off for a lakh of rupees. Muskaan's lover, Rakesh, cannot tolerate this. So he promises to pay a staggering Rs. 10 lakhs to Anna to reclaim his love. Muskaan looks tortured. She says 'tum apni teen sau rupaay ki kamaai pe itne paise kaise jutaa paaoge.' Rs. 300? Rs. 300. Which century do these guys belong to?
Muskaan gets along infamously with life, but marvelously with the rest of the unfortunate souls. These include Pooja (Anjala Jhaveri) and Shabbo. Now these two also have a tragic tale to tell. Hum, ho hum. What, the popcorn is over?? That is blasphemy.
If you were thinking this is the tragic tale of Muskaan's life, then you were wrong. The movie is the tragic tale of Pooja's life. Pooja is picked up by this writer, Manav, who pays Rs. 10 lakhs to idle around a 5 star hotel for 10 days. He doesn't want anything 'else' from her (one of the 2 men sitting, ran out of every pint of optimism).
So, turns out Manav wants to marry Pooja. Whoopee doo! Bazaar totters to the end filled with more and more tragedies that totally fail to move you. And trying to add to the pathetic scene is an extremely able Fakira (Kader Khan).
One thing that completely evades any kind of logic is this: if Manav is a writer and works for himself, then where does he go every morning, after donning on a business suit, tie and lugging a briefcase along? And in the first half of the movie, there is absolutely no lip-sync.
The only people that manage to bring this film up to the Z-grade mark is Anjala Jhaveri and Kader Khan. Otherwise 'Beware Of Bazaar'