Muskaan Review

Muskaan is one big cauldron of all the possible run-down, battered and squished ideas that a movie can possibly roost on. The actors seem to have completely forgotten why they were there in the first place. Heck, you can't blame the poor souls - 25,973 billion sub-plots would make even an Einstein forget. And the brains of this cast amount to hardly a penny. All put together, that is.

Sameer (Shivdasani) is a successful and enterprising fashion designer, and the bull's eye target of Janvi's (Neha) cupid. But there is no such stirring in Sameer. He's saving it all up for that one girl who'll steal his heart in a flash. Or, as the movie goes, in a single 'hello'. Imagine what would happen if she worked in a call center.

He works with Shikha (Zaveri), whose contribution to the story leaves you completely baffled; Sharad (Dabas); and Satin (Hirjee), who is the stereotypical Bollywood concoction of gays - colored and spiked hair, horrendous clothing and flapping arms that make everyone think he is propelling for a take-off.

Satin is also the designer for most of Sameer's creations, which explains why Sameer feels the need to take designing tips from someone else. Except that that someone else, Muskaan (Singh), has graduated summa-cum-laude from the Gracy Singh School Of Designing For Drunks (you have to drown at least a quarter of a bottle before you dream of wearing her atrocious designs).

Muskaan is a pitiable little girl, whose parents have dumped her in a boarding school at the tender age of 7. Sameer and Muskaan become phone-pals as the result of a wrong number, and, of course, sheer destiny, as one vermilion-smeared, saffron-clothed astrologer had predicted.

After a couple of conversations with Sameer, Muskaan falls in love with him, and this gyaan is revealed to this blinking idiot by another blinking idiot friend of hers, in a scene that ends up looking completely accusatory.

And predictable as the movie is, Sameer also falls hook, line and sinker for her. The lovers decide to meet after a break of 15 days, and in the meanwhile both land up at Shimla, oblivious of the other. YAAAAAWN. And this is just the first half. Gawd! Could someone please put me on Life Support?

What follows in the second half is a love-hate story, a love triangle, a case of a whodunit murder mystery, a whole lot of other mindlessly pumped in characters and a fight sequence that leaves the audience helpless with laughter.

After a painful two and a half hours, the movie totters to an end. The performances are untouched. Untouched by reality that is. The actors look, act and are flighty. The music is imported straight from the Land Of Trite. The direction does not deserve to be talked about. Muskaan is an absolute must-see if you are looking to surgically remove your shoe from places where it hurts the most.