Aksar 2 Review

Even though I unscrewed my cranium and left my brain at the helmet counter of my local multiplex knowing I'd be watching Aksar 2, I soon realized that no amount of dumbing myself down could have adequately prepared me for what this movie had to offer.

Let's start with the "plot". The filmmakers have dragged poor Lillete Dubey into their schemes by having her play 70-year-old multi-millionaire Madame Khambatta. Her nephew Ricky (Abhinav Shukla) wants to steal her fortune. Khambatta's marionette puppet manservant who stares into your soul, Bachchan Singh (Mohit Madaan), orchestrates an ingenious plan that involves killing Madame's governess and putting Sheena Roy (Zareen Khan) in the vacant position with the aid of investment banker Patrick Sharma (Gautam Rode). Also, Sreesanth makes his acting debut in this movie.

Well, if the movie says **** you to me, I'll say **** you to it. Spoiler alert for all ONE of you that cares about this movie. Everyone here dies except for Zareen who marries the Sultan of Brunei after getting away with the money because, feminism.

Back to the discussion.

We live in an age of smartphones where Mukesh Ambani gives us 1 GB of data a day to do with as we please. So why would anyone spend their hard-earned cash on watching this movie while you could watch better acting and performing for free on some websites I can't mention here? Because, let's be real, no one is here for plot. I talk about performing because the actors in this movie believe sex can be had with blankets between people, and by dry humping someone's thigh. This happens and I can never un-see it and now you won't be able to get the image out of your head too. You're welcome.

Writers, director, producers, makers of this movie, I know you can't write a proper scene to save your lives, but do you not know how intercourse works? I mean Mukesh Ambani gives you 1GB a day, remember?

Anyway, review part 2. The acting is horrible (poor Lillete Dubey), the writing is atrocious, the camera is fixated on Khan's bosoms and would be rejected by the TV show CID, the songs feature Khan intentionally showing skin while mourning the death of her boyfriend/husband/FWB/whatever, you don't care and neither do I. This is a world where people are outsmarted by Zareen Khan, ladies and gentlemen. Need I say more?

Wait, why am I even trying to discuss this movie anymore? None of you need any convincing any more. So, in conclusion: blahtitty-blah. Blah-blah-blaaaah-blah. Blah-blah. Blah-blahtitty-blah-blah-blah. Bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-lala. Good night and see you all on the next review which hopefully features a movie where people care about their craft.