Kalasukovaalani Review

The gaggle of gals gaped goo-eyed at the screen waiting for the Jell-O type Don Juan to be splashed across. No sirree, he's shown pumping iron instead. And then, all frowny-eyebrowed and rolled-up fisted (a la Shiva), ready to go smackaroons over the nearest goon. Gosh, not after we took so much time to come to terms with the Manasantha Nuvve Venu in the first place!

Well, whether you like it or not, this is the new and improved Uday Kiran, all freshly packed and vacuum-sealed for our ready consumption in his latest package as 'not-so-gooey-lover-boy'. And going by the way the crowds were reacting, I'd say this dabba is gonna go stale on the shelves itself. But on to more important things.

Ravi (Uday Kiran) is a self-proclaimed, self-righteous kinda guy who, short of shouting from rooftops and floating leaflets from outer space, informs the audience in every possible way that he is a self-starter whose ignition is bound to kick in someday and who needs no kicks from anyone. Translating roughly into the "I don't need anyone's help, I'll find my own job and keep it" kinda thing.

One day, after rescuing a suitcase full of money and returning it to its owner Vishwantham (Satyanarayana), he finally gets his dream job - as a chaperone for the old guy, whose own son cares two twiddles for him. Ravi's father, whose Japanese middle name is 'Nag'ayami because of his rare talent for constant nagging, feels all puffed up 'coz his son has finally found a job. Ravi himself is soon on velvet too, as he finds himself transported to snowy Switzerland as the old man's makeshift Florence Nightingale.

On the other end of the scale we have heroine Anjali (Gajala), whose main vocation in life is to crave her father's constant love and approval. Give us a break, will you? Nobody pets even puppies all day long! Anyway, she fails to see that point, and heads 'foreign' for a holiday. This is approved by the same dad who won't let her go to the beach to bum out with a couple of kids in loincloths. Whatever!

To quote an old Gujarati proverb, 'jahan Pav wahan bhaji', and so both the hero and heroine meet, with the latter being particularly impressed by Ravi's constant fawning over the old man. In fact, all that the whole movie focuses on is how the couple bump into each other a gazillion times and, without realizing it, renders this as a flick full of 'just misses'.

Anyway, Satyanarayana is not a regular dirty old guy, but a millionaire (which explains the fawning) who has to be in Swiss-land to collect an award. Which he eventually does, but not before stroking out all over the place. Gosh, going by the number of heart attacks he was having on screen, I was beginning to think maybe he should do himself a favor and tip over the parch and conk out.

So as the menu would have it, this hors d'oeuvre is followed by the main course consisting of a couple of songs involving the main actors, one cable car and blackout, a particularly lusty act, one misplaced ring and one separated couple, to lead into the dessert, which highlights the couple trying to get in touch with each other (ET phone home!), and finally clamps the yawn shut.

Lord Of The Rings Uday Kiran should never have taken his lucky 'ungaram' off his digits. How else can you justify the abysmal quality of the movie and the script? Everyone was betting their bottom dollar on the songs, which also are huge disappointments (except for the rain song which airs on Gemini TV once about every 23.45 seconds).

Heroine Gajala looks like a freshly rolled laddoo made at the greasiest mithaiwala, and makes you miss Reema Sen. The worst part are the dialogues, which aren't lines but mini bhaashans. The saving grace is again Sunil, who has the crowd in splits each time he appears.

I'm not sure if this movie will rake in profits, but I'm pretty sure that the makers of Manasanta Nuvve will be laughing all the way to the bank, as more and more people head to re-see it in order to exorcise themselves of this poltergeist.