Redline Review

Redline is proof enough that creative minds are caught in the slowdown, too. It's hard to imagine how anybody worth his D grade in a course on filmmaking can release a ridiculous movie like this.

Redline features an ensemble cast starring a Mercedes SLR McLaren, a Ford GT, a Ferrari Enzo, a Lamborghini Murcielago Roadster and a Lamborghini Diablo Roadster. At least these have more personality, if not curves, than the actors driving them. Cheesy dialogues, corny one-liners and a masaleydaar plot are the other main ingredients in what is otherwise an automobile orgy with actors being the quintessential well-equipped nurses in a porn flick - mere visual props.

Redline is a story of soapy rear ends (a few of which belong to bikini-clad bimbos) getting sprayed with water from long hoses. The retarded storyline starts with a few rich guys who bet outrageously on illegal races. It brings together an aspiring rock singer turned race-car driver Natasha Martin (Nadia Bjorklin) and an Iraq-returned war hero Carlos (Nathan Phillips), who's driver-brother Jason (Jesse Johnson) becomes a victim of drag overdose.

For a movie that is about speed, it reminds you of your old Premier Padmini huffing and puffing its way up Road No. 12 at Banjara Hills. The mediocrity is so stupefying that at intermission, the audiences are Gone In 60 Seconds. It took this reviewer immense courage and a promise of writing a sarcasm-filled review to sit through the punishing second half.

And worse it gets. Adding a road block to the several speed-breakers in the plot is a kidnapping scheme by a Hitleresque vegan-villan, Mike (Angus Macfadyen), who wins Natasha's services as a part of a wager. We also realize that Natasha's cleavage gets as much screen-time as the cars themselves.

Also completing this vanity production is a hot mom who gets a surprise call from her kidnapped daughter, a war veteran's combative skills that could possibly have won Dubya his third term as the President, a farcical car race that induces as much testosterone as a game of Ludo, and a couple of lovers who answer a mating call by blowing car horns and burning rubber. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. It's so bad, you'll find it entertaining for its sheer stupidity.

The only kind who may find Redline a redeeming experience are juvenile losers who dream of hot cars and hotter women all day, but are far from being acquainted with either. For a car fan, we recommend the latest sequel of Fast And Furious. Or even the gaming floor at Prasads. And for those who pick up tickets for Redline by accident, we pray for a speedy recovery.