Action Review

Now, we're going to tell you something funny. There was once a strange baby in a hotel room closet. It pooped. And a hungover jackass was tasked with removing its diaper. (Hahahahahaha!) Wait, we haven't gotten to the funny part. Then, the jackass picks up the diaper and slips on a bottle, and sends the diaper flying. (HAHAHAHA!) Dude, slow down. That's not the funny part either. So, anyway, the diaper then flies in slo-mo for about 15 seconds, and slams itself onto the face of another hungover jackass who was just standing across the room waiting for catastrophe to strike.

There. Laugh now. Dude, why aren't you laughing? THAT WAS THE JOKE! LAUGH! NOW!

(Hehehe... Rather nervously.)

Good. Now we'll tell you some more. You don't think its funny? Well, thank you. We had to watch the whole thing just so we could tell you guys how the movie was.

And, how was it?

Well, when The Hangover first came out in 2009, we'll bet our directors were salivating just thinking about all the dumbed-down, sleazed-up and catatonic ways in which they could adapt a screenplay that seemed to have been created for just such a purpose. All that is surprising is that an exact rip-off took so long.

We'll bet they were waiting for Life Of Pi to release. 'coz Mike Tyson's tiger was too expensive, ya know.

And so we finally have it - Action, a Telugu-fied version of The Hangover, in 3D, no less. Tiger, hen and baby in tow. Only, all the funny's been sucked out. Every last drop.

For those who don't know what we're talking about, here's the story. Bava (Allari Naresh), Purush (Raju Sundaram), Ajay (Kick Shyam) and Siva (Vaibhav Reddy) are chuddy buddies. Ajay is to get married in a few days. Siva is a doctor with a controlling girlfriend. Purush (incredulously enough, after you've taken a look at him) is on his way to becoming a fashion designer. And then there's Bava, whose sole aim in life seems to be scamming his way to becoming a crorepati.

They are all headed to Goa to give Ajay a bachelor party to remember. However, since this is a Telugu movie and 100 minutes is just too short a runtime, they meander on the way all through to the second half, via a chance meeting with Geeta (Neelam Upadhyay), with whom Bava falls head over heels in love.

A lot of unnecessary tomfoolery, soul-searching (not even kidding), and homophobic "jokes" later, they end up on the roof of their hotel, bottles of Antiquity Blue in hand (Statutory warning: Alcohol consumption is injurious to health), and a new friend.

They get up the next morning with massive hangovers, bottles of Antiquity Blue in hand, now empty (Statutory warning: Alcohol consumption is injurious to health), no memory of the events of the previous night, a chicken running around the place, a tiger in the bathroom, and a baby in the closet. Wait, there's more. Ajay, the bridegroom-to-be, is nowhere to be seen.

Now what? We wish we didn't know. Not because it's bad, but because it just isn't worth it. After about five minutes, you'll just stop expecting to laugh, and will find yourself staring at the screen, because that's all you can do in a movie hall.

Performances by Allari Naresh and co. could've been better if they hadn't been so badly let down by the script. A story as ordinary as this one can only be brought to life by the spoken word.

Neelam Upadhyay and Sneha Ullal use their lissome selves to good effect. You weren't expecting character acting, were you?

All the usual suspects, including Sunil, Bramhanandam and the rest, make an appearance. You know, because how else can you make a long enough movie?

And, look who got the dibs on the first ever Telugu movie made in 3D? So what if it was completely unnecessary? And kinda annoying too. Especially when the apparently endless and endlessly tiresome songs start.

Point is, Action (3D) has about as much action as a petrified toe - funny or otherwise. Give it a miss. Or, if you really wanna watch it, head to the C centres, where you just might get the bang for your buck.