Creature (3D) Review

Well, Creature 3D has cleared up two things for us:

1. Bipasha Basu is perhaps the only actress ever to get away with not using her bosom to articulate all emotions in a Bhatt film.
2. Not even Basu can make their Hindi textbook dialogues sound less stupid.

Oh, and one more thing. That Creature 3D is a 3D film. About a Creature.

As far as the story is concerned, it is exactly as creative and unexpected as the title, aka did you not read the title? Ahana (Bipasha Basu) is the melancholic but posh owner of a melancholic but posh hotel. Soon, she meets melancholic but posh Kunal (Imran Abbas Naqvi), and they hit it off melancholically but poshly. Meanwhile, murders are afoot at Hotel MBP (take a wild guess at what that means), and the cause involves anybody's guess.

Enter "Professor" Sadana (Mukul Dev) and his "scientific" theories, and we now have a definition - a Brahmarakshas, which is apparently a man-lizard-Salman creature which kills for no reason you want to burden your mind with. And it is up to Ahana and Sadana (sitting on a tree, K I S S I N G) (not!) to make it stop.

Oh, it's all entirely predictable, but we're not quite sure that you'll walk out of the theatre entirely unentertained. You see, amid the sighs, and the screams, and the moos of a creature that probably should not be mooing, there lie moments of sheer hilarity that keep your eyes glued to the screen in the way a dying bug or a feeding spider or a falling baby would. And no, we are not entirely awful people. It is merely that an overload of cinema has shown us that the potential for a laugh is not the exclusive domain of things that make you feel good about being human.

Whether it is Bipasha's efforts at pretending that everything happening around her is perfectly reasonable, or how earnestly bad an actor Naqvi is, or how sincere Mukul Dev is in his role, or the fact that the Creature exists the way it exists, you will find plenty of reasons in every single frame to either abuse the stroke of providence (FYI, it was all you) that landed you in this theatre at this time, or to just burst out in indignant guffaws, thus making everyone around you badmouth their own fate.

Then, too, there is the soundtrack that is too cheesy for the '90s, a screenplay that plays lip service to its own definition, and graphics that look like Salvador Dali collaborated with a five-year-old. Oh, don't even get us started on the dialogues. We rather admire the cast for not giving up on the movie entirely. Or maybe not. That means we had to watch it.

So, should you watch it? No, of course not! Have you not read anything? If you really want to see this movie, just relegate it to the same position in your bit of space-time that you have saved up for that Tabu "masterpiece" Hawa.