The Core Review

Is it hot in here or is just me? Says who? Says the crewmember of one of the most phallic-looking crafts ever to zip across the face of the planet and, in this case, the crust of the Earth. Anyway, the fact must be established right at the beginning of this review... nobody goes to see a sci-fi action flick for a course in actual science... I want to see monuments crumbling, giant tidal waves sweeping across the land, a whole lotta shrieking, squelching and a couple of crumbling buildings would further my case and make me happy. The Core does that to Rome and San Francisco. Now that I got to see some mega-size destruction, my mission was accomplished.

Well, to the plot then! When birds mysteriously start dive-bombing in London and people with pacemakers start dropping like acorns under an acorn tree, scientists busy wiping their spectacles soon realize what's up - or rather, what the heck is 'down'! The core of The Core's plot works on the premise that the core of the Earth has stopped spinning, and unless some one zips in that above-mentioned kundalini kraft and gets down to re-start it, the entire planet would be cooking in radiation like popcorn in a bag-it bag!

And just like a fork and an electric socket can't be friends, we need someone who'll set this wrong right. And Te Voila, we have a motley crew of cinema's most rag-tag bunch of world-rescuers! Shucks, if these fellas are out to save the world from imploding, let it be dudes, I'd rather pop in my popcorn bag!

Anyway, poor mankind's hope lies with an assembles motley crew of archetypical mismatched cinematic personas doomed from the word 'Go'. Hilary Swank as the hotshot female space shuttle pilot (long way off from the toothy rookie in Insomnia), Bruce Greenwood as the tough as rusted nails Commander, Stanley Tucci as the scientist (there are one two many in this flick if you ask me!) and of course all assembled by Aaron Eckhart - Dr. Josh Keyes!

Well, after several lucky guesses, the team stumbles upon the cause for the mayhem and sets to work. And yaaaawn! The journey to the, yaaawn, center of the Earth, yaaaaawn, begins! Naah, just kidding, it ain't so bad... except for the fact that the entire filming is so campy and, gosh, the center of the earth still manages plenty of sunlight! On a good day you can actually see all the way to Mongolia!

But like I say, one must never linger on the soundness of the plot. Let's cut to the chase - how cool are the explosions? Well, San Francisco getting whacked out was cheesy, but fun... and Rome getting its due of disaster, better. Well, looking at the way heritage sites almost always seem to be the first casualties, I'd reckon God is like a really lousy travel agent!

Well, with so much drama, to be honest, The Core is fun in a cheesy, campy way. With a script that reads like an elementary course in geo-physics' handbook, it comes with a whole separate chapter of emotional ouchies... like the fellow who mentions he's doing this for his wife and kids! Yeah, that's the cue - that he's gonna be the next one to be bumped off ! Cue... WHAM! And he's out. This is where the roll call for the deaths begins. Good fun!

Anyway, The Core lacks enough electro-magnetic radiation to automatically draw you to the theaters, but it's a great way to learn the differences between tungsten, titanium and the calcium content in Hilary Swank's body (to produce the most fantastically appalling pair of pearly teeth - somebody should cast her Jaws 7!).

Well, Jaws or no Jaws, The Core is an astonishingly disastrous disaster movie, and is precisely for those people who want to take a breather from an uninspiring life of rational thinking.