Bang Bang Review

Once upon a time, there was a movie with "Tom Cruise is nuts and Cameron Diaz is goof-dorable" as its raison d'etre. The story, if it can be called as such, was a convoluted mess that would give you brain damage to keep up with, but the movie worked because all those involved knew how ridiculous the whole thing was, and went ahead and had fun with it. Then, Bollywood piped up with a "Me too!", took the fun out, left in the "convoluted mess" part, and got Tinseltown's prettiest mannequins to move the plot along.

Thus, readers, we get Bang Bang!, a movie which, despite its flighty origins, is exactly as unobvious as its title, which is, not in the least bit.

Let's get what passes for the story out of the way first. Harleen Sahni (Katrina Kaif) is a ditzy receptionist who is lonely enough to sign up for a blind date. Wishful thinking leads her to mistake the hunky Rajveer (Hrithik Roshan) for her date, and the two hit it off, or at least that's what the film wants you to think.

However, hunky Rajveer turns out to have more to him than meets the eye, shocking as it seems considering just how much of him does meet the eye, and he soon drags Harleen into the aforementioned convoluted mess involving the Kohinoor diamond, an internationally wanted man (Danny Denzongpa), exotic locales, and product placement blatant enough for the film's team to be able to foot the bill for said locales.

"How blatant can it possibly get?" we hear you asking. And we replay the scene in our head in which Hrithik downs a can of Mountain Dew, and halts all action to enunciate the words - "Kyonki Darr Ke Aage Jeet Hai".

All this chaos spread out over more than two-and-a-half hours would probably have been more bearable if we were given something more than Hrithik Roshan's impossibly handsome self to distract us. However, that does not seem to be on the cards, and so you have to settle for a story filled with characters Bollywood thinks are quirky, but in reality are exactly as mundane as anybody you can think of.

For instance, in Tom Cruise's Knight And Day, an unconventional Cameron Diaz refurbishes antique cars for fun. In Bang Bang!, a supposedly unconventional Katrina Kaif is socially awkward with a "cool" granny, a definition of "quirky" that Bollywood seems to think is irresistible. Hey Bollywood! We're socially awkward! Where's our happy ending with an invincible hunk?

The much-touted action sequences look shiny and loud enough, but are thoroughly uninspired, and the film's separation from logic due to irreconcilable differences doesn't help. The various locations all over the world are captured with such monotony that a slideshow of HD wallpapers could've done the job. The music goes beyond uninspired to reach utterly mediocre, however much you will have to suffer the soundtrack's presence on all charts in the upcoming months.

While Hrithik occupies the screen well enough, he seems to be taking the role much too seriously, as does the plot itself for a movie this ridiculous. Katrina seems as unconvincing in her role as she seems unconvinced herself, which (hint) is enough to derail otherwise okay scenes. The biggest killer is the utter lack of chemistry between our leads, no matter how much you want to believe that all it takes to set the screen on fire is two impossibly beautiful people sharing space on it.

Danny Denzongpa, Jaaved Jaffrey and the rest of the cast do justice to roles that do not do justice to their experience.

Whether it is a lighthearted potboiler you're looking for this weekend, or a hot couple turning the heat up - walk away, people! There's nothing to see here!